Reviving My Own Blog

It has been ages since I last updated my blog. Nothing really interesting has happen to me for the past three and a half months besides studying, facebooking and waiting for time to pass each and every single day. Even my camera has not been flashing for a couple of months.

Tomorrow is my 21st birthday. The friends who I least expected celebrated my birthday at Secret Recipe this afternoonand a long long movie which was interesting. Thank you so much guys and it meant everything to me. Tomorrow will be going for steamboat buffet with my family and that is all till another year.

This birthday had been a streesful one for me. Being borned in the month of December looking through all the celebrations 'sponsored' partly by me, facebook albums which contain 'birthday' and cards with my sign on it freaked me out. No one ever celebrated my birthday, no picture of me blowing candles and not even a single piece of card. Now facebook has even replaced the traditional sms which was the only memorable birthday greeting I had ever received. *dunno how many sincere wishes I will get through facebook tomorrow*

By now I am pretty sure who is my through BFF is. Next year will be a tough and long year and I hope I will be able to leave behind my emotions and all the sidelines which have 'used' me till I am not worth a cent and concentrate on my studies. Going through what others have not gone through is a great achievement and getting the best out of the best will be another achievement.

Amazing Friendship Takes Effort

This post is to pay tribute to the the person that I considered as my bestest friend in university and the title is from the acronym of his name. I first notice him was during orientation week. During a talk by the faculty's administators, he accidently raised up his hands when they asked students taking up Bachelor Science (Honours) Chemistry to raise up their hands. Then I approach him to ask him as I had been searching for my own coursemate for the pass few days but couldn't find any. But it was a disappointment.

First semester was about 'brotherhood' and he was one of the twelve. Since he goes back home every Friday after Calculus tutorial and only comes back on Monday morning, he seldom join most of the activities. He comes to my room once in a while but he came to play computer games with my room-mate and those nearby.

Second semester was about karaoke. The first outing was before Chinese New Year to Berjaya Times Square where we sang karaoke and went for dinner at Hartz Chicken Buffet. We reached hostel quite late at night because he stayed overnight as he have extra-curicular activities the next morning. The remaining Friday he will be definitely going back and come back to university the next day. But almost every Friday we went out together except during test period or we have something else to do. We attend different lectures although we were taking identical subjects. Most of the Tuesday I will wait for him to finish class as my class end 1 hour earlier and on Wednesday I will go with him to the library to online as he do not have broadband connection at home and wait for him to finish class before we head for dinner after that. Sometimes, we even chat till late night and the latest was till 3.30am and we have class at 8am the very next morning. Although we meet almost everyday, we still chat over MSN and even do video call. When I was down, I will go to him to tell what was in my mind. He was a good listener as he was interested in everything I said.

At the beginning of the third semester, I asked him to be my lab partner as all our schedule was suppose to be the same. We did one lab together and the very next day I was officially an engineering student. He knowed that I was about to change course but he did not rejected me as his lab partner. He was the one that I wanted to inform firstly about my change of course. He is the only one that said he hoped that I would not change course so that can study together.

Well all these are left behind as memories that would not fade away from my heart. The time we go out for lectures together, the time we were packed in the bus like sardines, the time where he was abit disappointed if I did not knock his door before leaving for lectures, the time we sit together in the bus, the time I stayed at his comfortable home before leaving for the Sarawak trip (although I have no accomodation problems and his aunty actually knowed my name by heart), the time we slept in the same room when we go on a vacations, the time we have our meals together and all those memories that have been engraved in my heart.

I hope that all these come from your heart as we treasure this valueble friendship. 4 months ago when we went on the trip you did not sit next to me but during the Malacca trip you were all the while sitting by my side. I want to take more pictures of you and us together so we can have topics to laugh at if we get the chance to bump again during our old age although I have the same expression all the time.

I might be a boring person to you as I don't watch most of the movie, I don't play most of the computer games on earth, I don't listen to and sing music of your choice but I am trying my best to dig more topics out to talk.

Next semester onwards we will not meet each other anymore for any classes or extra-curricular activities and you are no more staying in the hostel, I hope that you will somehow drive me out for a meal or so. Hopefully if I ask you out during the semester break you will come out with me not like the semester break after the second semester where I was bored till death at home.

Wishing you all the best in your studies as you will be graduating in 2 years time. Hope you will be successful during your working period and hope that we can become collegue one day. Do not forget to employ me if you form your own company.

My biggest regret was not being to work together with you during lab session.

Sometimes..

Sometimes I wish I was blind, so I need not see the reality of life.
Sometimes I wish I was deaf, so I need not listen to unthoughtful rumuors spreading like disease.
Sometimes I wish I was a lifeless object, so I need not respond emotionally to the surroundings.
Sometimes I wish I was handsome, so everyone will stick to me like a bee sticking to the honey disregard gender.
Sometimes I wish I was everything, so that everything would be mine.
But what we wish is what we never get. So never wish for anything so that you get everything.

Time To Learn To Let Go

I am feeling sick and tired with everyone's attitude nowadays. Sitting alone at an empty corner of the university's main library, breezing the rain drops without using the umbrella, having a plate of rice with some cold mutton and dhall which cost me a bomb at dark night, tears filling my eyebags awaiting to flow down my cheek, thinking about what should I do next and etc are the stuffs that flowed through my brain nerves.

Am I asking too much? I just want someone to be by my side who can give me advice when I am down and offer me assistance, someone who call me a buddy rather than a friend, someone to have my meals with, someone who can hang out with and someone who can nudge or message me or videochat with me when I am online doing nothing.

I have been giving advice and offer assistance whenever someone ask for if it is in my capabilties. I have refer few of my friends as my buddies but as time passed, they are now nowhere to be seen cos everyone have been to different path. I will have meals with whoever that ask me to if my stomach is still empty and often ask people out for meals to kill their loneliness. I have ask people out but nowadays due to the fact that I don't own a car, I can't really ask people out. I m obsessed with Facebook and MSN but sometimes it is really frustrating if people say they are busy to reply when they can reply to others.

I am naive as I thought tolerance can push everything aside but my tolerant limit has achieve the maximum and I am going to explode if I don't release it as soon as possible. I really want someone now to be by my side not to listen to all my grudges but to make me erase all the bad memories.

I can't be the person that sacrifice always and receive nothing in the end. But I can't reject those who show up to me for help. I must learn to be a lone ranger and be selfish. Although many who don't know me personally may have disgusting feeling towards me but what else I can do cos this is what others do towards me.

Most of the people I know haven't really give me the moral support to carry on mine and my parent's hope on me. Some even pour cold water on my shoulder asking me lots of questions which me myself couldn't answer. But I must also give credits to those that are really concern but please don't ask the same question again which is "Are you stressful?" What I can say is that I am taking it easy on the study part but I am a loser in the socializing part.

I hate those who put up a sulky face when people want to celebrate their birthday. WTH you should consider yourself lucky as people remember your birthday while others have to pass through their birthday like other ordinary day.

*Should I continue staying the whole day and night in the library to prevent me from thinking negatively?*

Updates

I had made this decision and I can't regret now. I just have to move forward and set my goal right and not to allow people to dictate my life. I have made all the sacrifices that I'm able to and I must learn to say no to others when it is neccesary. It is not an easy life for me this one and a half month as I need to put up a happy face in front of others eventhough I am down or feel left out.

Life had not been smooth for me ever since I enter university. Challenges after challenges was put in front of me to test my patience to the maximum. I have not exploded yet as everytime I am at the extreme someone will bring me down with the power from the Almighty. Well I have to learn to be independant as people come and in my life.

Unexpected Break To Prevent Suffocation..

An unexpected change of the mid-term break from 16th Aug-23rd Aug to 29th Jul-4th Aug to prevent the spread of the H1N1 virus in the university caused many chaos at the university campus. Many will rushing back home during the peak hours after the office hours causes traffic jam and KTM passengers will surely be packed like sardin.

This break may help me to release some tension after 3 weeks of becoming an engineering student and help me to prepare for the 1st test but to many it is not appropriate as all their plans had been destroyed due to this sudden change. I need to prove to many that I am capable

of getting an engineering degree with desirable result although I am a slow-learner.

I am still unable to know all my coursemates well enough to have them sit with me during lectures and to have lunch together. I still have to put on a fake smile when I meet anyone to prevent rumours from spreading around the university like the H1N1 virus. I might be the eldest among them but I am not a good leader as always and I only can get warm up after a long period of time.

Hopefully time will change all these and I hope I will be eager to attend lectures every morning and to meet with my fellow coursemate.

Tough time ahead..

It has been a week of tough decision making, emotional breakdown, and struggling to adapt to a new environment. These are not the stuffs I wan during my short period in university. Seeing few of them taking the extra effort to make sure they are able to change programme, I am disappointed with the way I take things for granted cause i got it the easy way. (How I wish someone will be walking by my side during the next 4 years in engineering faculty) Time to change from a comfortable zone to a zone full of prejudice and smart people.

I am still waiting for a miracle to happen. Really giving up hope as the responses from relevant authorities are not encouraging.

People come and people go in my life. I am like a huge rock settle down in the middle of the sea and people I know are like waves passing by me to create interaction. Sooner or later, I will be wash away by strong current. But it is fate that bind us together.

I am trying not to be emotional as everything have it's own way to overcome it.

Confuse..

"Yeah! I have got it." This will be the reaction if I received the result to change programme from Bachelor Science (Honours) Chemistry to Bachelor Engineering (Chemistry) one semester ago. But now it is "So what? Another decision making time?" although the official offer letter is not out yet.

When things are about to settle down after a week of rushing to the lab for practical, waiting for the lab assistant for more than half and hour, rescheduling the time table again and again and arguing with a lecturer so that Friday will be free of lectures but all these will be in vain if I decide to be an engineering faculty student.

Few of my friends hope I do not change but there is one who said she will support my decision no matter what it is. Meeting up with strangers and adapting to new environment is not my cup of tea. What I hope is that they will respect whatever decison i make and will not forget me as a friend until they are in heaven.

A Beautiful Begining..

It's been a week since I am back from a leadership camp of my residential college in Pangkor Island. It has been a great experience since I joined less than 5 activities organised by my residential college for the pass 1 year. Peers influence is one of the factors in addition to my laziness to socialise with people that I do not know well. We guys were unofficially 'appointed' as group leaders as they were only 4 boys divided into 4 groups. And the worse thing was being force to take the lead in any group activities. Well, I am still a gentleman in front of the ladies as I still allowed the ladies to go first. (if you get what I meant)

This week I get to meet 2 different group of friends at the same location but different time. On wednesday, I went out with Alvin, Seet Yen and Chuin Er. They are consider my day-out-during-semester-break buddies as Alvin will definitely plan something during our break for us to meet up. Today I went out with Chun Chi, Jye Ping and Huai Yee who are the people closest to me during my Form 6. Although I met up with Chun Chi occasionally in UPM, he constantly reminded me to meet up to kill our boredom at home and to meet the girls who I have not meet them for more than 1 year. (sorry I missed all the gatherings) Well someone promise to take me out after his exam. Hahahha.. (I still did not get to meet someone who went to Singapore)

More people are coming back for their summer break next month. So hopefully can meet with you guys soon.

Random

People that I am closed to are trying to work with the word 'friend'. A few of them are having problems with their friends as what I have been through before. The feeling of being left out or not being care for are usually the most common thing to mention when the issue of friendship is being brought up. Nowadays I tend to take it easy when it comes to this issue as I know that it is difficult to depend on your friends when you really need them (sorry if I have insulted anyone)

Today will be the stepping stone of my life as my application to change programme will be posted out. I am keeping my fingers crossed so that God can make the correct decision for me. Besides, I will be leaving for university to attend some camp name 'Kem Kepimpinan Generasi xxxx Belas. It was a last minute phone call when I was soundly asleep that I agree to participate in. Again I am keeping my finger crossed so that it will be an enjoyable trip cause I really have nothing else to do at home for these last three weeks of this unproductive semester break. These 2 things are done aknowledging that my current bunch of friends will not be always by my side and I have to carry on with or without their pressence.

To my friends out there (if you accidentally bump into this blog), I am ever ready to listen to all your grudges and problems but no promise that I am a good counsellor. I must thank those who had lend their ears to listen to my grandfather story when I am down. Hopefully I can be a good listener when someone knock on my door.

Holiday, holiday n holiday..

Finally another posting on my blog after a long lay off untill me myself forgotten what was my last post. I had been super free during this sem break as I was too lazy to look for a job but I do not have anything to post as my holidays are spent staying at home. Luckily there was this Sarawak trip planned at the start of my first sem if not my body will be full of maggots crawling around.

This trip marked many first of my life. My first time on an aeroplane, my first overnight stayed at 2 of my friends house and many more. The aeroplane ride was short of the wow factor except during the take-off and landing part.

Talking bout the Sarawak trip. The initial figure was 16 people: 11 people from the so-called "12 brothers and sisters", 3 of my coursemate who wanted to join as my another coursemate is a Sarawakian and 2 guys who were quite close with us since the start of our journey in university. But then suddenly 3 people joined in making the total amount of people boarding the plane 18 as 1 was unable to join due to illness. (some will think that why should I bring up this subject but I have to tell that facts undergo twists and turns will still be facts) 4 of us guys chengloong, kinmeng, allan and me stayed at ivan's beautiful and spacious house as he was super kind to offer me accomodation after noticing my fall-out with the initial gang.

Sarawak was better than expected. Most of the houses in the Kuching town are either semi-d or bungalows. (mind you not made of wood but of concrete) The price of the food are cheap and enough to fill the stomach.

We had a tentative to follow as it was a good guide so that we have a better time management. But most of the time we went 2 separate ways in a group of 10. The places we went include Sarawak Museum, Civic Center, The Spring Mall, Cat Museum, Cultural Village, Damai Santubong and Semantan and etc.. Let the pictures do the talking.

The day before departure

At the airport

Holidays...

Today is unofficially my last day of this semester as I have finish all my papers already. Some of the results are out and although it was not up to my expectation but I have to concede as I get paid according to the effort I have put in.

Lets looked back to what I have achieved during this semester. I have learned how to socialize with people which I seldom talk to. Study wise I am getting lazier with my laptop around and also the super-slow internet connection in my room.

I had been looking forward to this semester break as it didn't started of well with several misunderstandings with the people around me. Well you will know who are your true friends when you are in trouble. But now on the last day of my year 1, my heart is getting heavier to leave this place although I can just pack my things and call my mom to pick me up this evening. All the memories will remain you will never know what will happen next.

I would like to thank those who have been at my side all these while although I can be irritating most of the time. You know who are your.

Here are pictures from the outing this pass 1 week. I am proud to say that that I have try ice-skating but I keep clinging on the side railing.

Signing off here and will online back after two-and-a-half month.

Another Life Journey

I really don't know what to include in my blog. I am afraid that one day people who I mentioned in my blog is not happy with what I wrote about them or some others whose name is not mention get offended. I also hope that my every actions can satisfy every party.

"I am not satisfied with what I have." This is what people will always say when you compliment them on what they owned. Well sometimes it is difficult to judge whether a person is happy. I am also an introvert person who finds it a difficulty to go up and approach someone to check whether they are fine or not but I hope that people will come up to me to check on me when I am feeling down.

Time is getting shorter now. Everything seems to be unfinishable but I am still taking it step by step.

Ever since primary school, I always heard the phrase "Friends Forever" but how true is this phrase in today's world. I have been through my life with different friends but I lost contact with most of them after we went separate ways to pursue our study. Many of them are in my Facebook and MSN friend list but do we care to ask each other out. I am maybe at wrong because sometimes I really can't join the gathering due to work, university and family commitment. Now I learned how to appreciate them but i think it is too late already. i hope that anyone who is reading this post will come up to me and say it is better late than never.

Day Out with Friends...

It has been a norm for me to leave my less-than-comfortable hostel room to somewhere in the city centre every Friday because I don't have any classes on that day. Greenbox Cheras Selatan was our favourite haunting ground until we found out that Redbox The Gardens Midavalley head charges were equivalent to those of Greenbox Cheres Selatan.

Well this week I went out with Kime, Allan, David, Poh Wei and Xiao Bai. I have to admit that I don't have a good voice but I really enjoyed going out with this bunch of friends. We reached there around 12.20pm because 2 of the boys came back to their room after their class to bath, went to the bank to take out money etc.

Before reach Redbox, I received a troubling call from my room mate telling me that he is shifting to another block and he asked me what was my plans but i could not answer him because I don't have any idea of what was going on. Soon after that when we enter our room, another person called me to inform me their plans. But everything get hair-wired because there were miscommunication between all of us that were affected. This problem affected my mood the whole day.

The audio and video qualty were not up to our expectations but the set-lunch was really worth the money. We did not get to sing for the full 3 hours.















David, Allan and me

Kin Meng, David, Allan and me















Poh Wei, Kin Meng, David and Allan















Poh Wei, Kin Meng, Allan and me

Later I went searching for clothes with black and white stripes as my Malaysia Nationhood lecturer wanted us guys 2 wear black and white during Monday lectures and stripes on Thursday lectures. After searching for some time, I finally made up my mind and bought a collar T-shirt from Jusco. We later bought 7 pieces of donuts from Big Apple and four cups of Extrema Mocha from San Francisco Coffee. We head back to our hostel straight away as it was getting late.

I don't think we will have the time to hang out with each other this few weeks as we will be preparing for our final examinations. Well, hope to get to hang out with you KLites during the long semester break starting next month.

Hopefully my problems will be settle by this afternoon. Pray for me.

P/s: Sorry for the poor quality photos. Hope to get a camera before the Sarawak trip.

Reflection...

Sitting at a corner of a noisy university's library lead me to think of what had happened for the last one semester. At the end of the last semester break, I was waiting impatiently for the new semester to begin as I can meet with my uni friends after 2 months of lay off. At the start, everything carried on fine, it was smooth flowing until the end of the one week Chinese New Year break. I was feeling uneasiness as people around me started to change, they became a totally different person. My current semester English lecturers has once quoted during lecture, "Never tell everything to the person closest to you as they might one day become your enemy." This quote will stuck in my head for the rest of my life as it described about my current situation.

I think I have to take this as a blessing in disguise as I am now closer to people whom I previously refer to as stranger and they have all brightened up my days when I am down. A million thanks to those who have been at my side during this transitional period of my university's life.

Talking back about my personality, well I have be more lazy, talkative and not taking my studies seriously compared to previous semester. I wish to have back the kind of push to study while at the same time socialise with people.

In 2 weeks time, I will be having my final examination. I really hope that I will change for at least this 3 weeks to reimburse the time lost and then I can return back to my comfort soon.

Before signing off, I would like to which all my friends success in the upcoming examination.

It's coming to an end..

It's going to be the 4th month of my second semester in UPM and this indicates that it will be the end of my first year in uni. I have been through lots of up and down in this one year and I hope all these will make me a stronger person in future. This one year has opened up my eyes on what to expect in my future work life and the way i communicate with others.

Kuok Foundation Get-Together

This event was held on the 28th February 2009 at Armada Hotel, Petaling Jaya. The main aim of this get-together is to bring all awardees from different campuses around Klang Valley to mix around. It started of with an ice-breaking session, speeches and also a memory talk by Mr Lim Teck Hoe, a former recipient of this grant. Later, we were served buffet-styled lunch. After the sumptuous lunch, there were few more speeches and the winners of the ice-breaking session were announced. A photo session followed after that.

Blogging

This is my first try of blogging. I hope that every precious moments of my life will be recorded in this blog to be share with everyone.