Amazing Friendship Takes Effort

This post is to pay tribute to the the person that I considered as my bestest friend in university and the title is from the acronym of his name. I first notice him was during orientation week. During a talk by the faculty's administators, he accidently raised up his hands when they asked students taking up Bachelor Science (Honours) Chemistry to raise up their hands. Then I approach him to ask him as I had been searching for my own coursemate for the pass few days but couldn't find any. But it was a disappointment.

First semester was about 'brotherhood' and he was one of the twelve. Since he goes back home every Friday after Calculus tutorial and only comes back on Monday morning, he seldom join most of the activities. He comes to my room once in a while but he came to play computer games with my room-mate and those nearby.

Second semester was about karaoke. The first outing was before Chinese New Year to Berjaya Times Square where we sang karaoke and went for dinner at Hartz Chicken Buffet. We reached hostel quite late at night because he stayed overnight as he have extra-curicular activities the next morning. The remaining Friday he will be definitely going back and come back to university the next day. But almost every Friday we went out together except during test period or we have something else to do. We attend different lectures although we were taking identical subjects. Most of the Tuesday I will wait for him to finish class as my class end 1 hour earlier and on Wednesday I will go with him to the library to online as he do not have broadband connection at home and wait for him to finish class before we head for dinner after that. Sometimes, we even chat till late night and the latest was till 3.30am and we have class at 8am the very next morning. Although we meet almost everyday, we still chat over MSN and even do video call. When I was down, I will go to him to tell what was in my mind. He was a good listener as he was interested in everything I said.

At the beginning of the third semester, I asked him to be my lab partner as all our schedule was suppose to be the same. We did one lab together and the very next day I was officially an engineering student. He knowed that I was about to change course but he did not rejected me as his lab partner. He was the one that I wanted to inform firstly about my change of course. He is the only one that said he hoped that I would not change course so that can study together.

Well all these are left behind as memories that would not fade away from my heart. The time we go out for lectures together, the time we were packed in the bus like sardines, the time where he was abit disappointed if I did not knock his door before leaving for lectures, the time we sit together in the bus, the time I stayed at his comfortable home before leaving for the Sarawak trip (although I have no accomodation problems and his aunty actually knowed my name by heart), the time we slept in the same room when we go on a vacations, the time we have our meals together and all those memories that have been engraved in my heart.

I hope that all these come from your heart as we treasure this valueble friendship. 4 months ago when we went on the trip you did not sit next to me but during the Malacca trip you were all the while sitting by my side. I want to take more pictures of you and us together so we can have topics to laugh at if we get the chance to bump again during our old age although I have the same expression all the time.

I might be a boring person to you as I don't watch most of the movie, I don't play most of the computer games on earth, I don't listen to and sing music of your choice but I am trying my best to dig more topics out to talk.

Next semester onwards we will not meet each other anymore for any classes or extra-curricular activities and you are no more staying in the hostel, I hope that you will somehow drive me out for a meal or so. Hopefully if I ask you out during the semester break you will come out with me not like the semester break after the second semester where I was bored till death at home.

Wishing you all the best in your studies as you will be graduating in 2 years time. Hope you will be successful during your working period and hope that we can become collegue one day. Do not forget to employ me if you form your own company.

My biggest regret was not being to work together with you during lab session.

Sometimes..

Sometimes I wish I was blind, so I need not see the reality of life.
Sometimes I wish I was deaf, so I need not listen to unthoughtful rumuors spreading like disease.
Sometimes I wish I was a lifeless object, so I need not respond emotionally to the surroundings.
Sometimes I wish I was handsome, so everyone will stick to me like a bee sticking to the honey disregard gender.
Sometimes I wish I was everything, so that everything would be mine.
But what we wish is what we never get. So never wish for anything so that you get everything.

Time To Learn To Let Go

I am feeling sick and tired with everyone's attitude nowadays. Sitting alone at an empty corner of the university's main library, breezing the rain drops without using the umbrella, having a plate of rice with some cold mutton and dhall which cost me a bomb at dark night, tears filling my eyebags awaiting to flow down my cheek, thinking about what should I do next and etc are the stuffs that flowed through my brain nerves.

Am I asking too much? I just want someone to be by my side who can give me advice when I am down and offer me assistance, someone who call me a buddy rather than a friend, someone to have my meals with, someone who can hang out with and someone who can nudge or message me or videochat with me when I am online doing nothing.

I have been giving advice and offer assistance whenever someone ask for if it is in my capabilties. I have refer few of my friends as my buddies but as time passed, they are now nowhere to be seen cos everyone have been to different path. I will have meals with whoever that ask me to if my stomach is still empty and often ask people out for meals to kill their loneliness. I have ask people out but nowadays due to the fact that I don't own a car, I can't really ask people out. I m obsessed with Facebook and MSN but sometimes it is really frustrating if people say they are busy to reply when they can reply to others.

I am naive as I thought tolerance can push everything aside but my tolerant limit has achieve the maximum and I am going to explode if I don't release it as soon as possible. I really want someone now to be by my side not to listen to all my grudges but to make me erase all the bad memories.

I can't be the person that sacrifice always and receive nothing in the end. But I can't reject those who show up to me for help. I must learn to be a lone ranger and be selfish. Although many who don't know me personally may have disgusting feeling towards me but what else I can do cos this is what others do towards me.

Most of the people I know haven't really give me the moral support to carry on mine and my parent's hope on me. Some even pour cold water on my shoulder asking me lots of questions which me myself couldn't answer. But I must also give credits to those that are really concern but please don't ask the same question again which is "Are you stressful?" What I can say is that I am taking it easy on the study part but I am a loser in the socializing part.

I hate those who put up a sulky face when people want to celebrate their birthday. WTH you should consider yourself lucky as people remember your birthday while others have to pass through their birthday like other ordinary day.

*Should I continue staying the whole day and night in the library to prevent me from thinking negatively?*

Updates

I had made this decision and I can't regret now. I just have to move forward and set my goal right and not to allow people to dictate my life. I have made all the sacrifices that I'm able to and I must learn to say no to others when it is neccesary. It is not an easy life for me this one and a half month as I need to put up a happy face in front of others eventhough I am down or feel left out.

Life had not been smooth for me ever since I enter university. Challenges after challenges was put in front of me to test my patience to the maximum. I have not exploded yet as everytime I am at the extreme someone will bring me down with the power from the Almighty. Well I have to learn to be independant as people come and in my life.

Unexpected Break To Prevent Suffocation..

An unexpected change of the mid-term break from 16th Aug-23rd Aug to 29th Jul-4th Aug to prevent the spread of the H1N1 virus in the university caused many chaos at the university campus. Many will rushing back home during the peak hours after the office hours causes traffic jam and KTM passengers will surely be packed like sardin.

This break may help me to release some tension after 3 weeks of becoming an engineering student and help me to prepare for the 1st test but to many it is not appropriate as all their plans had been destroyed due to this sudden change. I need to prove to many that I am capable

of getting an engineering degree with desirable result although I am a slow-learner.

I am still unable to know all my coursemates well enough to have them sit with me during lectures and to have lunch together. I still have to put on a fake smile when I meet anyone to prevent rumours from spreading around the university like the H1N1 virus. I might be the eldest among them but I am not a good leader as always and I only can get warm up after a long period of time.

Hopefully time will change all these and I hope I will be eager to attend lectures every morning and to meet with my fellow coursemate.

Tough time ahead..

It has been a week of tough decision making, emotional breakdown, and struggling to adapt to a new environment. These are not the stuffs I wan during my short period in university. Seeing few of them taking the extra effort to make sure they are able to change programme, I am disappointed with the way I take things for granted cause i got it the easy way. (How I wish someone will be walking by my side during the next 4 years in engineering faculty) Time to change from a comfortable zone to a zone full of prejudice and smart people.

I am still waiting for a miracle to happen. Really giving up hope as the responses from relevant authorities are not encouraging.

People come and people go in my life. I am like a huge rock settle down in the middle of the sea and people I know are like waves passing by me to create interaction. Sooner or later, I will be wash away by strong current. But it is fate that bind us together.

I am trying not to be emotional as everything have it's own way to overcome it.

Confuse..

"Yeah! I have got it." This will be the reaction if I received the result to change programme from Bachelor Science (Honours) Chemistry to Bachelor Engineering (Chemistry) one semester ago. But now it is "So what? Another decision making time?" although the official offer letter is not out yet.

When things are about to settle down after a week of rushing to the lab for practical, waiting for the lab assistant for more than half and hour, rescheduling the time table again and again and arguing with a lecturer so that Friday will be free of lectures but all these will be in vain if I decide to be an engineering faculty student.

Few of my friends hope I do not change but there is one who said she will support my decision no matter what it is. Meeting up with strangers and adapting to new environment is not my cup of tea. What I hope is that they will respect whatever decison i make and will not forget me as a friend until they are in heaven.