Time To Learn To Let Go

I am feeling sick and tired with everyone's attitude nowadays. Sitting alone at an empty corner of the university's main library, breezing the rain drops without using the umbrella, having a plate of rice with some cold mutton and dhall which cost me a bomb at dark night, tears filling my eyebags awaiting to flow down my cheek, thinking about what should I do next and etc are the stuffs that flowed through my brain nerves.

Am I asking too much? I just want someone to be by my side who can give me advice when I am down and offer me assistance, someone who call me a buddy rather than a friend, someone to have my meals with, someone who can hang out with and someone who can nudge or message me or videochat with me when I am online doing nothing.

I have been giving advice and offer assistance whenever someone ask for if it is in my capabilties. I have refer few of my friends as my buddies but as time passed, they are now nowhere to be seen cos everyone have been to different path. I will have meals with whoever that ask me to if my stomach is still empty and often ask people out for meals to kill their loneliness. I have ask people out but nowadays due to the fact that I don't own a car, I can't really ask people out. I m obsessed with Facebook and MSN but sometimes it is really frustrating if people say they are busy to reply when they can reply to others.

I am naive as I thought tolerance can push everything aside but my tolerant limit has achieve the maximum and I am going to explode if I don't release it as soon as possible. I really want someone now to be by my side not to listen to all my grudges but to make me erase all the bad memories.

I can't be the person that sacrifice always and receive nothing in the end. But I can't reject those who show up to me for help. I must learn to be a lone ranger and be selfish. Although many who don't know me personally may have disgusting feeling towards me but what else I can do cos this is what others do towards me.

Most of the people I know haven't really give me the moral support to carry on mine and my parent's hope on me. Some even pour cold water on my shoulder asking me lots of questions which me myself couldn't answer. But I must also give credits to those that are really concern but please don't ask the same question again which is "Are you stressful?" What I can say is that I am taking it easy on the study part but I am a loser in the socializing part.

I hate those who put up a sulky face when people want to celebrate their birthday. WTH you should consider yourself lucky as people remember your birthday while others have to pass through their birthday like other ordinary day.

*Should I continue staying the whole day and night in the library to prevent me from thinking negatively?*

Updates

I had made this decision and I can't regret now. I just have to move forward and set my goal right and not to allow people to dictate my life. I have made all the sacrifices that I'm able to and I must learn to say no to others when it is neccesary. It is not an easy life for me this one and a half month as I need to put up a happy face in front of others eventhough I am down or feel left out.

Life had not been smooth for me ever since I enter university. Challenges after challenges was put in front of me to test my patience to the maximum. I have not exploded yet as everytime I am at the extreme someone will bring me down with the power from the Almighty. Well I have to learn to be independant as people come and in my life.